The Absent Father

Dad, it is possible you've gotten overly committed, so involved in your work or some away-from-home project or hobby that it is draining your time and energy with your family. I understand, believe me, I do. Maybe it's hard for you to come up close and be vulnerable-even with your kids. You may really prefer "Father" to "Pop" or "Dad". Again, I can't fault you for the way you've been put together. You can't be someone you're not...nor should you try to fake it. But surely between a distant patriarch and a down-home, easygoin' daddy there's common ground...a place to meet, time to be, room to hear, to feel, to care, to touch. Yes, I'm pleading.

How easy to get squeezed into a system that began with the Industrial Revolution. A mass migration brought people from quiet, family-oriented farms to busy cities, big factories, and tight living quarters.Urban fathers left home early and returned late. By the mid-twentieth century, even the grandfathers, once the revered, wise sages of homesteads, were shunted off to retirement villages or old folks' homes. Imperceptibly, dads have become shadows in dark rooms, leaving home before dawn and returning after bedtime.

Instead of challenging fathers to give of themselves, the system encourages them to give the stuff their increased salaries can buy-a better education, a membership at the club, material possessions, nicer homes, extra cars, personal TVs, credit cards, and computers; the list goes on. But what about dad himself? And that priceless apprenticeship learned in his presence? And that healthy masculine influence? And that integrity which robs off the older onto the younger? It's gotten lost in the shuffle. The adversary has won a tragic victory, which no church, no school, no occupation, no coach, no therapy group, no hobby can fully overcome. The Absent Father has emerged. It' time for you and me to cut a new course.

C'mon, dads, let's lead a revolt! Let's give it our best shot! Let's refuse to take our cues from the system any longer. Let's start saying no to more and more of the things that pull us farther and farther away from the ones who need us the most. Let's remember that the greatest earthly gifts we can provide are our presence and influence while we live and a magnificent memory of our lives once we're gone.

You're not perfect? So, what else is new?

You don't know exactly how to pull it off? Welcome to the club!

A graffito sign usually come to our mind when we hear such excuses: " Life ain't no exact science." Which, being interpreted, means, " You ain't Clark Kent, so don't sweat it." Your family doesn't expect profound perfection, command performances, or a superhuman plan. Just you-warts and all-your smile, your affirmation, your gentleness, your support, your leadership, your involvement....YOU!

C'mon, dads! Let's get started before all our children have is a memory of us-the shadowy memory in the back of their minds of two ships that once passed in the night.

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honor your father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with you, and you may live long on the earth. And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath; but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." Ephesians 6:1-4.